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“Alas no, the thought of my progeny having your countenance and wit entirely repulses me,” Mr D’arcy replied.Mrs Bennet recoiled at the sentiment, “So have them sent to the orphanage as Mr Bennet and I should have done when we failed to secure a son and heir.“An excellent suggestion, as ever mother,” Eiza sighed, “No thought for my sentiments.”Mr Bennet staggered drunkenly into the breakfast room after a break fast of Rum and Porter in roughly equal proportions. “Oh don’t be so reticent dear, One can not have sentiments where marriage is concerned, let the Gentleman sample the merchandise.”Eliza fumed, “He desires to sample me not wed me.”“Indeed I do not,” Mr D’arcy sighed, “I merely wish to shoot your Peasants, I mean Pheasants.”“Then why have you a trouser bulge Mr D’arcy?” Mr Bennet observed.“Father!” Miss Eliza declared, “Do you really expect me to conjoin with Mr D’arcy without a promise?”“Oh really Mr Bennet,” Mrs Bennet declaimed, “Would you let just any Gentleman sample your. I studied some online programmes in graphic design and artwork and bought some expensive software to go with it. After a lot of practice, I began to painstakingly construct a forged birth certificate for Bethan, showing a different maiden name for Mom. It took several weeks, and several aborted attempts, but eventually I was pleased with the result. I just wasn’t convinced that it would fool a Registry Office in the UK. What if they did background record checks?That was part two of the plan. We would fly to the US and get married in Las Vegas, at one of those drive-thru places. My forgery would probably fool officials in a different country, and we hoped they were less likely to do in-depth background checks. It wasn’t the big dreamy wedding Bethan had always hoped for, but we couldn’t see any other way of doing it.We booked the wedding online and booked ourselves into the honeymoon suite of the best hotel we could afford, hoping we wouldn’t be spending our wedding night in the cells.
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